The Sky is the Limit

A London man who is asking subscriptions for a certain very worthy cause happened to include a New York acquaintance in his appeal.  The reply follows:

Dear Sir:--I have your letter requesting a donation for what you consider a very worthy cause.  I flatter myself that I have a spirit of loyalty and generosity.  I have contributed to each and every object that has been presented to me, but I certainly have to decline to help in this cause for the following reasons:

I have been held up, held down, sandbagged, walked on, sat on, spat on, rolled over, flattened out and squeezed, first by the United States government for the Federal war tax, the excess profits tax, the Liberty Loan Bonds and the bonds of matrimony; in the state of New York for the state tax, the highway tax, the income tax, surtax, the auto tax, school tax, dog tax, cat tax and syntax.  I have been held down to brass tacks by every society and organization that the mind of man can invent to attract what you have or may not have, from the Society of St. John the Baptist, the G. A. R., the Women’s Relief Corps, the men’s relief, the stomach relief, the wifeless, the husbandless, the childless, the conscienceless, the Navy League, the Belgian Baby League, the Red Cross, the Green Cross, the double cross and every other cross of all colors, and by the Children’s Home, the Dorcas Society, the various hospitals, including the lying-in hospital, the lying-out hospital, as well as some other lying institutions.

My income has decreased in volume owing to government restrictions and persecutions of properties I am interested in, and because I will not sell all that and have to go to beg, borrow and steal, I have been cussed, boycotted, talked about, lied to and about, held up, hung up, robbed and nearly ruined, and the only reason I am clinging to life is my curiosity to see what in hell is coming next.—Yours truly, New York.