Cold

The Ark sprang a leak when the storm was the worst.

The Monkey, observing the accident first,

Inserted his tail through the break in the wood,

Averting the danger as long as he could.

But cold was the water and cold was the blast;

The monkey was forced to give over at last,

Withdrawing the tail, which, young Monkeys are told,

Because of his gallantry always is cold.

The Dog to the peril sublimely arose,

Defending the breach with a resolute nose,

Till, even too frigid to bark at a cat,

He sank with a frostbitten muzzle; and that

Is why, as all friends of the Dog understand,

His nose is so cold on the back of your hand.

They aroused Mrs. Noah with cries of alarm.

She plugged up the hole with a lily-white arm;

But cold grew the brine as a Logical Fact,

Obliging the skipper’s good mate to retract

A limb so enduringly frigid, that still

The feminine elbow is pointedly chill.

Now came Captain Noah; ‘twas time that he came,

For big was the aperture, wide was the same,

And bigger and broader and wider it grew,

And Noah sat down where the water surged through.

He sat while his cattle ship wallowed and luffed

Where porpoises gamboled or grampuses puffed.

He sat through the tempest when billows ran high

And navies of icebergs rode glittering by.

Through all of the cruise he enduringly sat,

Until the Ark grounded on Mount Ararat.

He sat in the wet—so you needn’t inquire

Why men always stand with their back to the fire.

-       Arthur Guiterman.[1]

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[1] Arthur Guiterman was an American poet, writer, editor, and librettist famous for his humorous takes on strange subjects. He was born in 1871 in Vienna, Austria to American parents. His family went back to America; in 1891 he received a degree from the College of the City of New York. Guiterman is best known for his humorous poetry, one of his most famous poems being Strictly Germ-proof. He translated and wrote the libretto for several different plays. In 1891 he became editor of the Woman’s Home Companion; in 1906 he began editing Literary Digest. He died in 1943.  (Source: everything2.com)